where would I be without you?

yep I had a rough day today.
a sinusoidal mood is something we all should avoid at all costs.
sorry if this post is incoherent, because it's reflecting my fluctuating emotions.

a few moments ago, I was venting my frustrations at some gwai-lou. every single detail of his face is deeply etched in the recycle bin section of my memory. I wanna delete it, bcos I can't sleep.
jiang ying said that it's not worth getting angry over such people.
hmm, she's right. he's of no significance in my life anyway.

jen, nicole, shuhui, pea, lutheng, nina, jiang ying.

now that I've listed all your names down in chronological order, I realise that there are many many people out there who care. Versus the number of people who hate me.

(The peculiar thing is that I'm crying as I'm typing this, not as I was typing the previous post.)

Thank you Nicole, for your hug. Thank you Jen, for your hug and unreserved support. (you had lots of fun today, right! XD ) Thank you Pea and Shuhui for just being there for me at that time. Thank you Lu theng, for counselling me and listening to my incessant whining. Thank you Nina, for spending so much of your precious free time with me, and sharing with me so many of your experiences. (and also the ice cream, haha =D made me feel a lot better. Sorry that everytime we meet for ice cream, I'm the unstable one.) Thank you Jiang ying, for consoling me and bringing me to my senses somewhat. And also for offering to pass up my file. =) Thank you caveman, for your chocs. LOL.

No idea why I always start my prolonged crying at home, not in public. Guess the peace and quiet of home makes me constantly rewind and play back the day's events. I'm so weak. Or maybe I just had a moment of epiphany... that I have more friends than I thought.

This must be why some say that it's good to count your blessings. It makes you feel very fortunate and contented.

I've not made many friendships in my life, but most of them are extremely close to my heart.
Some people make a deep impression in your life. One that moulds you to become who you are today. Friends do this gently and imperceptibly. Villians do this...violently, of course.

And with each experience with such people, we walk out of the situation a changed person.

I love you all. =) looking foward to the NTU mechanical challenge tomorrow. Friends aside, science is my life, dude. You can't change that.

a rough day.

what happened during GP today was my fault. Yes. Bad time planning.
I admit that I have been doing ssef and any other subject other than yours.

You wanna talk to my form teacher? You wanna complain to my parents?
I've got no qualms about it. Go ahead. It was my fault, I'd deserve that if you really wanted to do it.

But demerit points... well that's kinda extreme.
However, the thought of demerit points is not what made me break down. It was your threat of preventing me from participating in the SSEF. You got me there, gwai lou. That's what means the most to me right now. The stress piling up over the weeks... And now your emotional blackmail. It made me spill all my accumulated emotions. And I thank you for somewhat relieving my stress... and making me feel crappy in the process.

All I sought for was your kind understanding, really. I wasn't testing your patience (because you have none for me to test anyway) and I know who you are. You're my subject tutor. Period. Being head of the department doesn't intimidate me, gwai lou. Don't try that lame "do you know who I am" tactic on me, it's simply showing your lack of self confidence. Try saying that to Bill Gates, dude. People who are of a higher social status never have to say that. For people with real substance, things speak for themselves.

Besides, at this ripe age, you should have understood that the true value of a person does not depend on his social position. It's a person's heart. Mdm Seah may not be the head of the art/humanities department, but she is a great person, and we all respect and love her for that.

I thought you knew more than me. But I was wrong.
And you are wrong about yourself.

There were simply too many times you showed us your true colours.
When you verbally humiliated people indirectly.
When you told my friend to "shut up" when he wanted to raise the temperature of the air-con for the welfare of the class.
Thanks man, gwai lou. I'll prove you wrong. As I did to a few unreasonable teachers from my secondary school.
And maybe one day, you'll regret doing this me.

Wait... I'll turn that "maybe" in that previous sentence into "surely".
In time to come, you'll see. And you'll regret. Deeply. =)




I feel so much better after suan-ing you.

sleep is precious

whoa. SSEF is driving my group nuts. I'm going almonds and cashews. Help!
Other than hewei, we are the only other people who can help us. Reality check in place.
This is the craziest time in hc I've ever experienced so far.
I actually chionged the Time Tunnel while sitting in the bus, and continued to scribble furiously even when standing in the MRT.
My sanity has gone on a vacation.

Julia, congratulations for finishing your exams! Take a good break, chill out. Because you deserve it! =D

Reached home at 9.30pm, and quickly proceeded to wolf my dinner down. (howl....howl...) It was one of those moments when you're too mentally exhausted to even sense hunger. But the first spoonful of rice broke me out of the inertia. Hehe, I rarely eat this quickly. Just wanted to quickly get over with the daily chores of eating and bathing, so that I could get started on the GP homework, study for chem SPA tomorrow, and prepare for tomorrow's mock presentation at NUS.

My eyelids feel like lead.
My mind is a void.
But 2 functions still exist within it.

#define PlaySnd(x) _PlaySnd(x,(long)&SNDTBL_MYBRAIN,256)

keepEyesOpen()
{
just keep my eyelids apart!
}

keepWriting()
{
I leave this to your imagination.
}

void main()
{
keepEyesOpen ();
keepWriting();
PlaySnd(SND_yawnnn);
}

It's a loop that we all can't escape from.


P.S. the #define part was koped from our Sensory coding. Hahaha =D Don't you miss coding?

analogies.

you're a walking slurpee.
You give me a brainfreeze whenever you're near.

And suddenly, my mental clockwork comes to a standstill.
I don't know what to say to you.
You may look away in fear,
Hmm what else could happen this year?

This is not rhyming.

(I'm bored!)

My mortal has stopped replying to me. Hmmm he has probably realised the rare coincidence occurring here. =)

Nina! I can't wait to meet you... But our schedules are really packed. Sigh.

On a more colourful note, there was a huge full rainbow outside my house today.

Rainbow after the rain.

I wish you were here to see it with me. =)

tag reply

k I couldn't fall asleep so here's my reply to chuankhim!

haha our water bottles are the only 'food items' allowed... other than our packet lunch? =P
maybe can serve ice water instead.

ARGHHH I'M DAMN NOOB AT THIS! frustrating!!!! >_<

thought of printing a huge board of the teddy bear's head. And paste it right smack on top of the booth, so that it sticks right out of it, and you can spot our booth from Changi. HAHA! Science centre never say cannot stick things on top, although they did mention that we can't put anything beyond our booth.

anyway, thanks for your advice! =) Hwachong ppl are very creative indeed. And slightly annoying to judges, I suppose. =D Hehehe.


argh I'm very stressed. Want to sleep also cannot fall asleep. =/
Hope tmr will be a better day.
Can't wait to meet nina again this week. =)

and when you get it, you feel like getting rid of it.

tag reply to [not THAT Jen]:

Omg, someone free my digital neck from your merciless virtual hands! (gags and breathes for air) So do you want to have toh-paz's picture removed from my blog? hehehe...

Oh ya it's ok for me to be super obvious now, because if this doesn't work out, errm... well at least I tried. Haha! And also I am not a high-profile person in school, so my blog isn't that widely-read...I think. Anyway caveman won't read my blog also la... =) Let's hope so!


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yes, yes... me and my hyped-up emotions about the SSEF briefing today.

I shouldn't have been looking forward to the briefing. It only made my group feel stressed, and pressured my brains into a pile of sludge. You got that right. Sludge.

The next 3 weeks will be the craziest 3 weeks I'm gonna ever have in school.

Here's the brief breakdown of what's going to happen!
(of course, if I add in all the details, it's going to be really daunting)

Tuesday, 10 March: Set-up day (2pm-4.30pm)

Wednesday, 11 March: Judging day (8.15am-6pm) AND ALSO Econs block test 1

Thursday, 12 March: Public Exhibition day (11.30am-5pm) AND ALSO GP block test 1, if I remembered correctly.

Friday, 13 March: Physics Block test 1


That's right! We only have 2 weeks to complete the gigantic poster for the presentation AND prepare ourselves for the presentation AND improve our verbal crapping skills and diplomatic skills to impress the 3 judges who will be interrogating us. AND... a whole mount everest of other tasks to complete. (including studying for the block tests, which I probably will do very little of =P) It's PW all over again!!! What have we gotten ourselves into?

We need lots of advice on how to go about doing the giant poster... It's very important in the presentation! Sigh. Ya I want to ask caveman but it might make him feel sad. Do you know anyone else who has been in SSEF before?? =/ It's an engineering project, so the conventional rules for a poster are not very relevant. HMMM maybe we could score on the creativity points that way. =D We already have some tricks up our sleeves... Such as offering the judges free canned drinks. Hehehehehe...

Weird, how I can get something I really wanted, and later have a strong urge to abandon it.

hmm. No no no no no... I must work hard for SSEF and the blocks. Lutheng's right. Let's go for the gold! =D
WE CAN DO THIS!
WE CAN DO THIS!
WE CAN DO THIS!

YES WE CAN! =D

not punk'd, but gotcha!

in chem lecture. thanks to yiting (paparazzi for an hour) and my iphone for the photos, haha


blissfully oblivious


(notices paparazzi, seeks shelter behind lecture notes and sniggers.)

hongyao's artistic expressions, expressing his disdain for... the 'bird man'.

he is serenading jen from a distance. awhhh


no, caveman is not my current handphone wallpaper, this cute little guy is!

SSEF briefing tomorrow! Can't wait man. =D

ssef results - luck or what?

When lutheng told me the news yesterday, I was in the bus on my way home. Just 3 stops away from my house. I was really hoping hard that we would be shortlisted, because we put in super alot of effort during November and December. Not to mention the first two weeks before school reopened... we were all chionging for our final research paper. But something in my logic bugged me. I kind of knew that we wouldn't be chosen, looking at all those pros, like the SRPians and 6K/7B people who were vying for the same spots as us.

Our chances were bleak. But my abrupt scream in the bus wasn't.

Yeah, we were shortlisted.

Disbelief. Shock. Amusement. Elation.
And disapproving glares from the bus driver and my fellow commuters. I was at a loss for words.

Then I bought chocs for my team! Haha... girls and impulse purchases...

For now, we will concentrate and work hard for ssef! =)


Well... This may seem weird to say, but I haven't been entirely happy. A part of my conscience chides me for celebrating, because I think there are groups who probably deserve our spot in the ssef 'finals'. (dunno what to call it) And ya lah, one of them is in my class. Which makes me feel damn guilty. I think his group worked A LOT harder than mine did, no offense to my group. The more I reflect, the more I feel that I don't deserve to be in the position I am in today. It doesn't feel right. Don't get me wrong; I'm not mocking my classmate, I simply don't understand why things turned out this way.

Could it have been luck?
Or did my group really deserve to be in the finals?
What were the judges thinking?

Come to think of it, do they even have a list of criteria for shortlisting projects?

Haiya, I think too much.
I should just accept the reality and get on with life...
why do I bother to care so much?

nua...

very guilty...
my entire saturday was spent nua-ing at home. Reading up on DSLRs, taking a 2.5 hour nap, and then reading up on photography again. ohnooo I never study enough again. =P But all the sleep compensated for the weekdays. When I sleep at 1am and wake up at 6am. Damn terrible.

http://www.photoxels.com/digital-photography-tutorials.html

great website, great way to waste time... kind of productively.

the tutorials I've read so far seem kind of simple. But I guess I'll never really experience any joy/challenges in photography until I get a DSLR.
I find it a lot more fun to put effort into making sure that I take nice pics... Rather than just mindlessly snapping away at camwhores.
It's an expensive hobby, no doubt. Each of these cameras cost around 1k. Some 24megapixel DSLR from Nikon which was advertised in yesterday's newspaper costs 13k! OMG!!!
Shall buy a good one if I score at least all Cs for block test 1. Of course, that's very unlikely la, looking at how much effort I put into my studies.
=p


Anyway, I thought of something weird yesterday night.
You know that Jesse McCartney song, "Because You Live"?
There's a part which goes, "Because you live, girl. My world has twice as many stars in the sky".
It's paradoxical!

When people talk about their gf/bf, it's usually about them brightening up their lives.
But in astronomy, the reason why you don't see many stars in urban areas like Singapore at night is because of light pollution- the uber bright street lamps illuminate the sky, outshining the dimmer stars. That's why you only get to see brighter stars, eg. the orion constellation.

Then, it brings us to the conclusion that if Jesse's McCartney's world has "twice as many stars in the sky" because of the girl being alive, then this very girl is actually MAKING HIS WORLD A DARKER PLACE! (so he can see more stars at night!)

omg! whoever wrote the lyrics obviously knows nothing about astronomy! =O

or maybe the person who is writing this blog post should stop being overly critical of some mushy lyrics, and just enjoy valentine's day by mugging for econs instead.

tears of... laughter

I laughed so hard at Wayne's self-introduction to our juniors today afternoon that my eyes started tearing.

"Hi. I'm Wayne, and I'm leaving."
(promptly leaves room with innocent expression on his face)

Met up with Jeannie today to pass her testimonial to her... and ended up at macs for my super uber delayed lunch. (nuggets and mcflurry. hmm, healthy) School administration processes and receptionists can really be a royal pain. (e.g. 2 of the receptionists blatantly ignored my greeting and adamantly refused to acknowledge my presence)

Thank you Jeannie for giving me so much advice! Haha I now know that my CIP hours are really... pathetic... But I will continue to work hard. Good luck for the scholarship, and take care in your school k! Press on! =)

Assuming that collegeboard is hardworking too, my SAT results should be released in 20mins. Shall bake choc cake for the class if I score >2200, haha! =D Very scared get below 2100. Aaaahh the wait is so agonising!!!

K lah, wait for my good news. Or bad. Or uniquely TKGS shrieks of joy, I hope.
That's about all I can do now. Wait.

interesting v-day presents

hilarious...


The fake engagement ring. Click here to find out more.



For good chemistry students. Aptly shaped as a sphere... like atoms. Click here to find out more.

Sponsorship? Anyone?

a blur squid.

Just did something really dumb a moment ago.


Stuffed the memory stick pro duo from my dad's digicam into my laptop's SD/memory stick slot without much thought (and with considerable force) to transfer the pics and videos inside to my computer.



..........



And why of course, it got stuck inside.



As Pearlynne would have said with disdain,



"You win lor."


*embarassed smile*



Alas, I found a suitable pair of pliers to extricate the object of my desires and...for that moment... horrors. The 4GB memory stick pro duo escaped relatively unscathed, with the exception of some fashionable inconspicuous abrasions on its body.


Memory stick pro duo, grunge style!


phew.



Conducted Ambi's user test today; Jiang Ying and Lu Theng came over to my house.
Thank you to Hewei for bringing Ambi over!


Unfortunately, our furry electron-blooded contraption decided to malfunction as soon as we introduced kids to her... Although I must say that it was not entirely her fault, because the P3 boy who first interacted with her was disturbingly violent towards her. Furious, I decided to stupefy him with some SAT vocabulary... but to no avail, as he could not comprehend my words.


(the boy didn't even know what a 'contraption' was, and couldn't even pronounce it properly. He should really spend more time with good old books, and cut down on his caveman-style fighting habits) And yes, I admit to having a femtosecond-long impulse to kill him.


Ok I was kidding about attempting to stun the boy with vocab. I was just trying to shoo him away as lutheng looked for loose connections in the circuitry.



Somehow, the wire connections from the microphone got yanked out by that miniature male menace. Fixed it back somewhat, but the bear is now suicidal and repeatedly 'hangs' during gameplay. The response time is also pretty ridiculous now. Sigh. What went wrong?


Later, my neighbour's P2 son and K2 daughter came along. Must really thank this neighbour for being so helpful... Their mum kindly allowed them to play with our robot! Her kids were well-mannered and provided us with plenty of feedback. Ohh- and the girl, Adeline, has such adorable eyes. Not overly big, with lusciously long lashes. (like her mum) So cute!!! =)


And the boy couldn't get enough of Ambi... Hahaha... He kept coming back to my house to ask if we were done with fixing the robot. Fact was, we gave up on trying to fix it, and were working on the report. (yay, they like Ambi!)

I didn't do any homework today. Immense guilt has been encircling my mind... and it's likely to continue doing so even as I drift on to dreamland in a few minutes' time. Shall pia schoolwork tomorrow. Cannot lose to my 'enemy'!

Not posting pics of the user test, in case the kids' parents get unhappy over it. So here are some photos I took of my mum's new plants during CNY. Happy viewing!


Flower pics taken with sony cybershot N2 on manual mode. No photoshopping at ALL!
Love this camera to smithereens.

Ambi and us in happier times... specifically, on the day of 6c class chalet.

(it was working fine!) Thanks to Hewei for his DSLR and Qingzhong for taking the pic for us. hehe (it's a private joke only we understand.)

When one has weighed the sun in the balance, and measured the steps of the moon, and mapped out the seven heavens, there still remains oneself. Who can calculate the orbit of his own soul? -Oscar Wilde

我知道.

Mr How's words just can't be more true than they already are.



Focus on your studies; don't let irrelevant relationships affect your studies. Because the A levels are your ultimate priority.





That's how it's phrased in my mind. And I acquiesce to his advice.

I know what I want to score in the end. Straight As, no doubt about that.

After all, it's called the "A" levels... (which is likely deemed to be a misnomer by most long-suffering JC students)



But 老天爷 has a few tricks up his elusive sleeves that he seems to enjoy playing on me.



I didn't stay back to study in school yesterday while harbouring any... err... clandestine intentions. Just for the sake of understanding the r=a + lambda d equation better. Then, for some reason I can't think of, you had to finish your... 'tritium' lesson at the same time.



(what's tritium, I hear you ask? My reply is http://www.wikipedia.com/ hehehe love that euphemism. Anyway if you're good at chemistry trivia, you should be able to guess.)



"Thanks, fate!" exclaims the impulsive portion of my blood pumper, which contains 4 chambers and a dorsal aorta, among other biological contraptions.



"This is a spectacularly absurd situation. You dolt! What the heck are you doing???" assails my brain.

It's confusing. My blood pump and brain have different opinions. Wait a minute. What's happening?

When I do something, nothing much happens.
When I don't do anything, things happen.
But I pretend I don't care.

It's good that you don't do anything to demonstrate receptiveness. It's a reality check, a strong reminder of what my ultimate goal is.

I'm too immature for another commitment.