what went wrong?

The camera's stare is fiercer than that of the audience.
At least for me. :P

xinyi finds me scary. BOOOOOO!

ok, maaaybe she prefers DSLRs and considers me, a technological fossil, as a highly uncouth contraption. sigh.....

Yes, I practised my pitch for 4 hours. But I screwed up my BBI 1minute pitch today during video taking. (Mrs Tan: you need to practise more. Not enough zeal.) SIGH. I'm not a drama mama, I'm one of ambi's mama. Sorry Jiang Ying and Lu Theng. If we don't get into the grand finals, it's my fault. Hai. But thank you for being so understanding all the time. :) The both of you are some of the BEST people I've worked with. I love my centad group so much that I want to start a fanclub for it. :D Don't worry, I will improve on my pitching. Silicon Valley. (stares dreamily into the distance)

And thanks for the chocs Jeannie! Haha they really brightened up my day.

Mum was so nice, she offered to help me video my pitching on a camera and offered me tips, such as "Believe you are Obama when you're pitching!". Nod nod. I'll try to! :D

Sigh, today was a bad day. Maybe lao tian ye wants me to pay back for the birthday luck he gave me 2 weeks ago. It's wearing out. Or maybe I'm starting to break under pressure.

I woke up today to find my mouth ulcer not hurting. (whee!) My morning began with a hearty breakfast, and promptly ended with a debilitating stomachache. Gah!

Took a cab to NUS (stomachache emergency delayed me) which cost $17. Ouch!

Spent some time at the new SRL. Nice place! Panda-eyed Hewei grants his mentees permission to transport their brainchild, Ambi, to HCI. Mentees oblige to bringing Ambi back to NUS at first, but later bargain with their mentor after a second thought. Mentee Chong claimed that Mentor Lim allegedly blushed during the bargaining event. Only the accused would know why. Mentee Lim remains clueless as usual. Hee!

(oh! we saw hewei without his specs for a while today. his specs seem to make his eyes look smaller. hmm. :/ is he wearing inverted magnifying glasses? )

Mentee Chong lugs along the blazers and bags, while Mentee Lim tries to handle the brainchild with care on their way to the bus stop. They later board the NUS internal bus and have an entertaining chat about guys, until Mentee Chong claims that she hates guys-who don't reply to SMSes they're supposed to reply to. Mentee Lim nods fervently in agreement, until she notices a lone male student sitting next to her (and in front of Mentee Chong) quietly laughing to himself. Mentee Chong's face turns pale for a moment, and she covers her mouth in shock. Both mentees subsequently became entangled in a longgggg moment of mirth. Ah, the good times we've had in NUS.

Ok, Mentee Lim will now stop writing in 3rd person and get to the point.

.

There, a point!


(waits for laughter, and hears none.)

.....Right! The point is that my arms and my left lower back are aching like hell. Sob. I can't even tolerate physical activities like that. Sob. Or is Ambi really that heavy? Hope Lu theng isn't experiencing aches. I think I won't be able to fit into my long-sleeved tops anymore, because my arm muscles are getting huge. Awh man. Is it possible to reduce those muscles? Ok I should stop talking about my insecurities. Buy me a lock!

Anyway, today... I felt like I have never done anything properly all my life, and I can't see anything through to completion. That feeling of despair is indescribably horrible for perfectionists. I didn't pitch well, I haven't started on chem revision, and I'm not done with my math revision. Damn, I didn't set my priorities right. My time management is... uhhh, what's time?

Dad was slightly angry at me for not opening the door quickly when he came home today; I was stoning in front of the TV, thinking about my pathetic state, and completely oblivious to the formidable loads of bags in his 48-year old arms. It would've been a hilarious incident on a normal day, but today, it made me feel absolutely worthless to society, and I started crying midway through my dinner. Why do I even exist? Hey, I'm of no use to anyone. I'm a letdown.

I tried to hold it back at first, but my tears decided to obey gravity, and they all poured out. Dad got pissed when my mum put the blame on him. Heh.

I attempted to practice more Poisson distribution questions, but my mind was a blur. Chatting to Edha online really made me feel better. Sometimes you need a good friend (who is online) to share everything with. It's difficult to talk when you're all choked up in tears and suffocating in stress. A problem shared is a problem halved, indeed.

In my entire academic life, in my ostensibly nerdy (please look at me) existence, I have never cried so many times in one year, because I don't cry easily. JC2 broke the record; give me a trophy for it! Sometimes I wonder why I was so eager to enter hwachong ever since I was a pimply sec1. But heck, it has been a tumultuous time in JC, and it's going to be over soon, for good riddance. And... centad and BBI have made it-dare I say?-the best experience I've ever had.

Still miss tkgs, though. Mrs Chan... my favourite chem teacher. Ms Yeo and Mrs Pang, the dedicated cute masters of math. Ms Tee and Mr Yong, for their highly entertaining physics classes. My sec 4 SS teacher. And our favourite tkgs teacher of all: Mdm Seah! :D

Edha, thanks for this video! It instantly ended my 2 hour session of crying.
It's amazing. Watch it to believe it.

oooh Benny Lava...

A little old Bollywood did the trick. Way to go Edha. Good luck for your Friday event. ;) Chem engineering and Electrical/Electronics Engineering results in harmonic resonance. Trust your instincts. :)
I'm back on my track to MIT! I mean doing ok for BT2. (not very confident, hehe)
That is, after I get some sleep tonight. Don't worry Mentor Lim. Ambi isn't giving me any nightmares.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

Think it, and you will be it.