self improvement needed urgently!!! =o

Wednesday.

The day I usually look foward to.
(well, school ends early!)

But I learnt new things about myself today.

The day started off with me drowsily anti-reclining from my bed. Zzzzz. 5 more minutes of sleep please??? :( I was quite disappointed because I slept at 11pm last night after chionging my chinese workbook, which is considered quite a luxurious time to sleep in jc life.

I got a shock the moment I sat down next to Jen in school, because Jun Lin said 'good morning' to me. If you are Jun Lin/his friend/any hc friend reading this, (which is highly unlikely anyway, we all know your favourite hobby :D my blog isn't very widely known, either.) please don't take it the wrong way.

It's just that his simple greeting made me realise just how much more introverted and quiet I have become after coming to hcjc. Returning and initiating greetings have become so awkward for me, for reasons I don't know.

Why was greeting people and chatting with friends in tkgs so effortless and enjoyable?

Why do I find it so difficult to just smile or even say hi/bye to others now?
What is up with that really uncomfortable feeling of my heart scrunching up when I say hi/bye to people?
And why do I suddenly have a great deprivation of topics to chat about?

WHY AM I NOT STUDYING PHYSICS NOW?????!!!!!
(hehehe. Reintroducing comic element in blogging)

Hmm. I don't think anyone in my jc has ever met my secondary school self. Any one of you in hc would probably be appalled at the sight of me as a tkgian. Hehe. Okay, to be honest, I have been more of an introvert all my life. Unfortunately, I think that my personality has taken a turn for the worse. A severe introvert, omg. (Maybe I'm a martian, destined to be alienated when I turn 17 years old) Or am I still trying to adapt to this new school?

The school always stresses on the importance of not only achieving good academic results, (which is a difficult task by itself already...) but also forming many friendships during our stay. We all know how to achieve good results. No further elaboration needed, just get your concepts of your work right, and mug! But forming friendships is a completely abstract subject to me. There isn't really a formula, is there? But then again, what I consider as friendships are probably not what the school portrays them to be. (hmm, I'm not sure where this is heading)

To me, friends are *loosely defined* as those whom I have a mutual understanding of; not people whom I don't talk that much to, or merely wave to.
Just look at ShiJia. We have stuck with each other for a whopping, yet extremely fun 4 years. Or rather 2 years, since I only came to know Jael in sec 3. (thanks for putting up with my numerous smses conversations with you these few weeks, I really enjoy sss-ing you =D) But that doesn't make much of a difference anyway, because we truly care for each other like real friends are supposed to. Nina has also been a great friend; we relentlessly helped each other through the tough period of intense studying before the O levels. (and emerged victorious. Whoohoo!) Jen, thank you for being the one I can always rant to and laugh with in school. =)

But is my idea of friendship unrealistic? Maybe friendships don't have to be such intricate relationships after all. My idea of 'friendship' should probably be classified under the subset called "best friends".

Ok, back to the story. I madly chionged to complete my EoM and I&R in the library today. The two most boring and mundane pieces of work, ever. (I&R: required endless crapping to meet the word limit) And so I trudged drearily to the class bench at 3.45pm or so to pack up and go home after 2 hours of work boredom. Upon arrival, Chuan Khim asked me, "Why you look so sad?".

But I don't want to be sad, and I was not even aware that I looked depressed.
Awh crap! I am trying not to look sad, but my expression reflects my life pretty well, huh. Maybe that's why people don't enjoy talking to me now, because I look so sad when I am talking to them that they start to believe that they are boring people.
Must smile more. :D

:D :D :D :D :D <--- there you have it

The fact is, I am freaking frankenstein-ing tired of hc. ROARRRRRRRRRR
Daily sleep deprivation, meeting deadlines frantically, mugging for tests frantically, etc etc.
No time whatsoever to actually ENJOY what I am learning.
It's all a mad rush which whizzes past you, and escapes sneakily from the seemingly escape-proof clutches of your trembling hands when you try to get a firm grip on things around you. And not to mention that at that time, I hadn't had lunch.

oh ya hor. I think I may be suffering from some mild hair loss problems. :S the bathroom drain filter is always clogged by my hair after shampooing. Scary ya.

Making alot of careless/idiotic mistakes in my math workings now. Hope that these problems are all due to sleep deprivation and exam stress.

2 more weeks, and it will all be over. (NO, I am NOT committing suicide, of course. I meant my promotional exams, you paranoid...uhh, blog reader.)

Wouldn't school life be so much easier if we could simply head to a chemistry lab for a solution to all of life's problems? The solute-solute interactions in life's problems are regretfully strong. That's why we can't make a solution out of it.

Conclusion: Life problems are like magnesium oxide. Maybe melting them at high temperatures might help?

Since this is getting so chemical, I might as well end off with a lame chem joke I created yesterday.

Q: What do you call a country which consists solely of hydrogen atoms as it citizens?


A: The country would be called a "hydroge-nation".

PS. Failure to find humour in the joke is a strong indication that you have NOT BEEN REVISING YOUR ORGANIC CHEM!!!!! Please go and study your alkenes lecture notes. =D


I had a long, insightful talk with my mum tonight about how to become a better person. (apart from the usual econs-intensive talk we have for hours every night. hehe.) I do not wish to continue my life like this; my parents have long told me that being academically successful is not of importance to them, as what they truly wish to see me become is a good person. And being their only child, I will never let them down. Just watch me trying my best to evolve into a better person, act by act, day by day.